Dear Friend
by horse-crazy girl13
Summary: In which Annabeth writes a series of letters through different stages of her life, starting from when she was younger (and happier), leading up to the time of her suicide. T for dark themes, depression, swearing.


**I am absolutely not okay right now, and even though I've been terrible at writing lately, I'm just gonna write, so I'm about to type the hell out of my computer and this is not going to be a very pretty one-shot, and please, I don't need any reviews telling me how goddamn pathetic I am, because I already know that. Enough said.**

* * *

:.: . :.:

Dear Friend,

My name is Annabeth Chase. My teacher told me that you are my pen pal. I'm really excited about it. She said you're in third grade, too!

What's your favorite color? Mine's grey. What about your favorite animal? I LOVE owls! They're so creepy and cute. Plus, they're really wise. Do you like school? I adore it! It's so much fun, and I just love learning new things about the world. Do you like to read books? Books are my whole wide world.

My mom just recently got me a book called _The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. _She said it's way above my reading level, but everyone tells me I'm super smart for my age. Anywho, the book is about a group of four siblings who find this magical kingdom inside a wardrobe. They meet a faun, two crazy beavers, and the evil White Witch who has the place, Narnia, under a permanent winter. She wants to kill the kids, because they're destined to be kings and queens of Narnia. I'm not going to spoil the whole book for you, because I really think you should read it! But wouldn't it be super cool if you could walk into your closet or something, and suddenly you're in another world?

My dad is a scientist, so sometimes we have to move around, which kinda stinks. But he promised that we'd be in San Frasisco for at least two years, which is good. My mom is an architect, and I want to have her job when I grow up.

I have one older brother named Malcolm. He's really cool. He's in middle school. He says middle school's actually not that bad, so I'm not really sure what to think. He's already ahead in all of his classes. I wish I was older. He's allowed to see movies that are rated PG-13!

I have two friends, and I love them to death. Their names are Thalia and Luke. Thalia is pretty scary on the outside, but once you get to know her, she's actually super soft on the inside. Luke is just Luke. He can be a little weird, but we're like family. Sometimes, on Fridays, we all get together and watch a Disney movie. My favorite one is _Cinderella_. It sort of shows that good things happen to good people in the end, which I believe. I wonder when I'll get my happily ever after.

Anywho, my teacher says it's time to turn in our letters so she can send them, so I have to stop writing for now. I can't wait to hear back from you!

Your Friend,

Annabeth

:.: . :.:

Dear Friend,

Fifth grade is okay, I guess. The teachers are really pushy about behavior, though. They keep saying that we need to mature up, because we're about to be middle schoolers. Plus, they pile on the homework, because we have to pass our end of the year tests in order to move on the 6th grade. I hope I do okay. I have a 100 average righ now in all my classes, so hopefully that's good enough.

Yesterday was my birthday so my dad took me out for ice cream, just me and him. It was so much fun! I got chocolate with rainbow sprinkles. My mom got me a pair of really cute owl earrings with a grey gem in them. Thalia and Luke came over, and we watched _Peter Pan. _I still don't understand why he wouldn't want to grow up. I can't _wait_ until I'm older!

My dad is still working at the same place, which I'm really happy about. It's been about two years, just like he said it would be. Mom lets me sit in her office and watch her work on blueprints sometimes, which is really cool. One day I know I will be the one sitting in that chair drawing those blueprints.

Malcolm is in 8th grade, and he's been studying like crazy. He doesn't really play with me as much as he used to, which makes me kinda sad, but I guess he's just trying to prepare for high school.

I don't like the girls in my class very much anymore. They're always talking about boys and dating and stuff. It's weird. Besides, does holding hands and walking down the hall with a boy even classify as 'dating'? I think I'd like to wait until I'm older until I find my Prince Charming. After all, my mom says good things come to those who wait.

What do you think? Write back soon!

Your Friend,

Annabeth

:.: . :.:

Dear Friend,

I start middle school tomorrow. I'm really nervous about it. I'm going to meet so many new people. Plus, I'll have to take SIX classes! Are they trying to kill us? It certainly seems like it. I'm taking all advanced classes, so that should be cool. I'm really worried that I'll lose Thalia and Luke as friends. What if they make new friends and decide they don't want me anymore?

Dad got a new job at a lab closer to the city, so he's gone a bit more than usual. Luckily, though, it's close enough so that we don't have to move houses or schools or anything. He just has to drive further. But I help Mom make dinner, and by the time we have the table set up, he's home in time to eat with us, which is nice. A lot of the time I can tell that he's really tired, but he always takes time to ask me, Mom, and my brother how our day was. I think the new job takes a lot out of him, but the pay is good, which makes up for it.

Malcolm is starting tenth grade. I think he's a bit worried, because he's taking a bunch of AP classes, which I guess are super advanced. He says he has to take them if he wants to get into a really good college.

Mom is kind of stressed out about her latest project for work. She's trying to put together a blueprint for the new building they're going to work on, but I guess it's not going as well as she'd hoped it would. I feel bad for her. Sometimes, she comes home with a new book for me, though.

I just recently finished reading _The Diary of Anne Frank. _It really makes me sad, and not just because she died. It makes me sad that there are humans out there who are sick enough to kill so many innocent people. It makes me wonder if good things really do happen to good people in the end.

Thalia, Luke, and I get together every Friday night to have a movie marathon. Last Friday we watched the _Harry Potter _movies, and we made s'mores dip! Basically, you just put some marshmallows and chocolate in a pan, let the chocolate melt, and wait until the marshmallows turn a golden color, and then you can dip the graham crackers in it! It's very good; you should definitely try it sometime.

I need to go make sure I have everything I need for school tomorrow, so I'm going to stop writing now. I'll try to send you another letter soon. Thanks!

Your Friend,

Annabeth

:.: . :.:

Dear Friend,

I don't know what people were talking about when they told me middle school would be fun. Quite frankly, it sucks. I mean, my classes aren't too bad, which is good. My Science and Lang. teachers are amazing, and I like learning about the Aztecs and Incas in History. The classes are fine, but the people are rather terrible.

I came in to school one day without brushing my hair very well, and then in the locker room, the popular girls are talking about how disgusting my hair is! That's nice. And I've been getting a lot of people telling me that I'm a teacher's pet. Yeah, I get good grades. But I don't go around teaching my teacher's ass to get them! People are so rude.

My dad hasn't been home much lately. He always comes home super late at night, after everyone has gone to bed, and then he leaves in the morning before anyone else is up. He says it's because of his job, but surely he doesn't need to be there _that _often. I don't understand. I miss him.

I think my mom is under a lot of stress, especially with Dad gone all the time. She's still working on these seemingly never-ending blueprints; plus, she has to take care of us, make dinner, and do work around the house. She's starting to get circles around her eyes, and I try to help her as much as I can.

Malcolm says 10th grade is hard. He signed up for more AP classes than he could handle, I think. He spends all of his time at the library or in his room studying. I can't remember the last time he's even had a normal conversation with me.

Thalia and Luke have started dating... It's really awkard to me. I don't really understand it. I feel like I'm the third wheel when I'm with them now. We still watch movies on Friday nights, but they always sit on the couch together, while I'm left on the floor. I don't think they realize they're leaving me out, but they are, and it kind of sucks.

It just sort of feels like nobody has time for me anymore. The only thing that's really been helping me are the books I've been getting at the library. I'm reading a book called _The Giver_. It's very good, and I enjoy the ambiguous end. It intrigues me how their seemingly perfect government is actually very corrupted. I wonder if our governent is the same way.

I don't really know or understand what is happening to everybody around me, but whatever this is, I hope it ends soon. It seems like now that I've hit middle school, everything is changing; whether it's for better or worse, I do not know.

Your Friend,

Annabeth

:.: . :.:

Dear Friend,

Everything is going downhill, and I do not know how to stop it.

My dad is hardly ever, and when he is, my mom and him get in the worst fights. She's upset that he's gone all the time, and he keeps telling her that he has work. But I guess one night he came home drunk, so now Mom suspects he's been going to bars every night. He told her it was just that one night. I hate it when they fight, and I try to stay out of the way.

One day, the yelling downstairs was so bad, and I could hear my mom crying, and I curled up on my bed trying to block out the sounds. I was crying, too. My door opened, and Malcolm walked in. His eyes looked sad and tired. Without saying a word, he sat down on my bed and wrapped his arms around me. It was the best feeling in the world. If only my parents weren't fighting.

I'm in 8th grade now, and I have the pressure of classes and preparing for high school. There's so many exams coming up. My classmates are as cruel as ever; I've about had it with them. I've mostly stopped talking to everybody, and I sit at the lunch table alone. When people have the chance, they waste no time in telling me that I'm ugly or a bitch. But my response is always the same: "Did I ever say I was pretty? No. Did I ever say I was nice? Nope. So screw off." They're never quite sure what to say to that. I guess they're not used to encountering people or know and can acknowledge their own weaknesses and bad points.

Thalia and Luke don't really talk to me anymore. They spend their time skipping class and making out behind the school. All I can say to that is it's their life if they want to screw it up. But they'd better not run to me crying for help.

Malcolm is in his senior year of high school. He's already so far ahead that he's taking college math and science classes, which is pretty cool. He visited a lot of colleges over the summer, and he's hoping to make it into an Ivy League. He's applying for Harvard, Stanford, Dartmouth, Princeton, and Emory. I'll be sad when he's gone. We've gotten really close again, ever since Mom and Dad started fighting. Whenever he's not studying, he's with me. He takes me out to the park often. I think it's because he knows we both need to get out of our depressing-as-hell house.

He gave me a new book to read. It's called _To Kill A Mockingbird_, and I think it is one of my new favorite books. I feel like I can relate to the main character, Scout, in that she starts out young and innocent, not realizing how cruel people can be. But as she gets older, she starts to realize how badly people treat each other just because they're different, and it kills her. In the book, it says it's a sin to kill a mockingbird, because they do no harm; they're innocent. They sing for people, and they provide joy. I think that Scout is the mockingbird and when she saw the amount of sin in the world, it killed her.

And maybe I have this all wrong, but that's just how I see it. I need to go study for Coordinate Algebra test tomorrow. Thanks.

Your Friend,

Annabeth

:.: . :.:

Dear Friend,

Mom and Dad are getting a divorce.

Mom finally broke. One night, when Dad was supposedly out late working again, she decided to call his lab phone. He didn't pick up. So then, she decided to call his boss. His boss said that he didn't know what she was talking about, and that my dad at finished his latest assignment about 4 weeks ago.

When she hung up the phone, she just sat at the table crying. I wanted to help her, but I didn't know what to do. I sat on the steps listening to her cry, until Malcolm came home from a friend's house and found me there. He threw a worried glance at my mom before taking me up to his room, where I told him what had happened. I'd never heard him swear so much.

Finally, my dad came home, and my mom confronted him about it. He tried to make up some lame-ass excuse, but he never got far enough into it. My mom blew up, screaming and crying, and then I heard a bang. Malcolm's arms tightened around me, and I sobbed into his shirt. I wondered if Dad had hit her, but Malcolm just shook his head.

It felt like something out of a movie, and as far as I'm concerned, it can _stay _in movies. No need for it to be real life. I don't remember much of what happened the rest of the night, only knowing that I fell asleep in Malcolm's room. But I will never forget the events of the next morning.

When I woke up, I came downstairs to the sight of a fist-sized hole in the wall, and I knew immediately that it was the source of the bang last night. I ventured into the living room and found three suitcases leaning against the wall. There were folded up sheets and blankets on the couch. Finally, Dad strode from his room with another suitcase in hand. He stopped short when he saw me.

"Dad?" I asked, because that was all I could manage to get out. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was happening.

"Annabeth, I... I thought you'd still be asleep," he said.

"Well, I'm not. Where are you going?" I demanded. He gulped, a guilty look in his eye.

"Look, Annabeth, honey..."

"Don't _honey _me, Dad, I'm not a child. _Where are you going?_" Two minutes went by before he spoke.

"Annie, your mom and I... we've had our differences lately, and I..." he faltered.

"You made a mistake and you're running away, right?" He winced at that. "Let me, guess. All those nights you've been gone, you've been at the bar, haven't you? You've been with another girl," I stated. Because I didn't need to ask. I already knew.

"Annabeth, you've got it all wrong. I - "

"Cut the crap, and spare me the bullshit. So what was the problem? You tired of us? Are we not good enough or something? Or are you just in the mood for a relationship with 'no strings attached'? 'Cause that's not really how marriage works. Usually when you get married, you're pledging yourself to your wife and _only _your wife. Or was that not in your instruction manual? Well, that's no excuse, because it should be in your _heart. _But - oh wait - you don't have one, do you?"

My dad looked mortified and beyond guilty. He'd better have. His mouth was moving, but he couldn't seem to get any words out. I waited for him to say something, anything. But he didn't. I watched as his face hardened into an emotionless mask. He grabbed his suitcases, and dragged them to the front door. I stood stock still, but I could already feel the strings inside me snapping, one by one.

He opened the door, and stepped out. Right before he closed it, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "I never wanted any of this to happen. Tell your mom I love her. Tell Malcolm I hope he enjoys college and that I know he'll be successful. And Annabeth, I love you. I can't believe you're starting high school. I'm so sorry."

I looked at him, shaking. In the strongest voice I could muster, I said, "Go to hell." And then I walked away.

I stayed inside my room for the rest of the day. I could not bare to see Mom's face when she woke up and saw my dad gone. Malcolm came up, and tried to distract me but to no avail.

There is the pain deep inside of me that I do not know how to get rid of. I don't know how to take this.

Help me.

Your Friend,

Annabeth

:.: . :.:

Dear Friend,

Divorce papers have been signed; it is ov. But my mom - she's long gone. She spends all of her time in her office, immersing herself in blueprints and proportions and statistics. She doesn't make dinner, and she only eats when I make her. She never sleeps, because I can hear her sobbing in the night. She never talks, never acknowledges my presence.

Malcolm left for college today. He got into Princeton, but he's not excited to go. He's worried about me and Mom. Says he doesn't want to leave us alone. I promised him that it's fine, that we'll be alright, but I am lying to him. I don't tell him about the pain and loneliness that trickles through my veins, spreading through my body like a disease. He told me to call him if I need _anything_. He said he'd come back at a moment's notice.

But I can't ask that of him. He can finally get away from here. He deserves to be happy.

I do not know what has happened to Thalia and Luke. Last I heard, Luke's mom had caught them making out in his room, and she was furious. Nobody has seen them since. Rumor has it they ran away. I wouldn't know. It's been awhile since we've talked. But it's like I said before. It's their life if they want to screw it up. Yet somehow, it still hurts. Because they were a huge part of my that I will never get back.

There are too many questions, and so little answers. It literally feels like I am the only one in the world. I feel isolated from everyone else. I start high school when this summer break ends. I'm not sure if I am strong enough to make it until then.

I'm not sure if I _want _to make it until then.

Your Friend,

Annabeth

:.: . :.:

Dear Friend,

I am so sorry. I tried. I really, truly did. By the time you read this, I will be dancing with the devil, depending on your religion.

I started high school a week ago, and it somehow sucks _worse _than everyone said it did. School is somehwat of a morbid affair for me. Everyonehas a clique - it's worse than in middle school. I have no enjoyable classes, though I'm not sure if that's me or the depression speaking. According to life, I'm not aloud to enjoy anything anymore.

My mom doesn't need me anymore. All of her time continues to be spent in her office. Her blueprints are her family; she doesn't need me anymore. She has not talked to me in a ver long time. Not one. Single. Word. She probably won't even notice I'm gone. No one will. At least, not until the teachers see that I haven't been coming to school.

Malcolm will be hurt, I know. It kills me that I'm hurting him like this. But he'll be better off without me. I'm the one who binds him to this terrible place. Once I'm gone, he can be free. He'll have fun in college, and I know he'll make awesome friends. He, more than anybody, deserves it.

Thalia and Luke have thrown their lives away, but I hope, for their sake, that they are happy.

I have not read another book since Dad left. I haven't really done _anything _since Dad left. I really, truly hate him. All I can say is I can't wait to see him in hell.

I don't think I've ever really taken the time to thank you. I don't know why I kept writing to you all these years. Maybe it's because you've always been my friend, my constant in a life so changing. I'm sorry I unloaded all this shit on you. But I want you to know that you've really helped. More than you could ever know.

Don't be sad I'm gone. I'm excited. Not even hell could be worse than a place like this. I was wrong when I said I believed good things always happened to good people in the end. From what I've seen in life, that it so rarely true. Fairytales are a blatant lie. Prince Charming's don't exist, and nor to happily ever after's. But for what it's worth, I hope you get yours.

And most people won't understand why I want to go. But I'll make it simple. My favorite author once said that he sees emotions like strings. Most people use heartbreak as a metaphor for emotional pain. But he said that every time he's hurt, it feels like a string snapping. And for the last few days, I have been hanging by a single thread. And now it has snapped.

All the strings inside me broke, and for that, I am truly sorry.

Love Always,

Annabeth

* * *

**I haven't even read over this, and I don't plan on ever reading it, so if it's got a lot of errors, deal with it. I'm sorry if you didn't like the ending or there was no Percabeth, but again, deal with it. I wrote this for _me _and not for anyone else. I'm just choosing to share it with you. I do realize there are inconsistencies in the ages of Annabeth and Malcolm. I also realize that this is a very disjointed piece of writing, but I think that reflects on how I am feeling. I wanted to portray the innocence and ignorance that she had when she was younger, but as she grew older, she started to see the unfairness of the world and the truth in reality, which is that it sucks.**

**Who do you think she was writing to? Do you think it's important to know who she was writing to? And did s/he ever write back? What are your thoughts? (besides that it sucks)**

**Thanks, and reviews are loved and appreciated. I normally try to keep an upbeat attitude on fanfiction, but these past couple of months have been extremely hard, and I'm sorry for that.**

**I am writing a story with **borderlies [formerly fluffybunniesaresocute] **on our collaborative account called **adorkables**. We have posted a story called** Unspoken Connections**, and I have a feeling you all will relate to it in some way. Please, it would mean so much to us if you would check it out and tell us what you think!**


End file.
